Goodbye

The sun scorches away
My body
My soul
As I lie here
Waiting...
For somebody
To come and
Take me in his arms...
Again...
My heart is heavy
Withered..
Almost Dead...
I no longer cry
On the outside...
I am nothing
Nothing but a lost soul
Wandering...
Crying...
Hopeless...
Walking a path..
I never dreamt
I would ever walk..
I am...
Destroyed...
But...
As the sun sets
On another sleepless night...
No more will this hand
Write poetry..
No more will this heart...
Find solace in writing...
This is it...
This is...

THE END

Ranting...

Why do I get my hopes up
Kid myself that everything is gonna turn out okay
Why do I start to trust
That someone would come and take me away
I thought dreaming would help
But every time I get my hopes up
And watch them fall again

And that hurts more, hoping and then watching the hopes fall...

. . .

I just wish there was someone
Who'd understand how I feel
Someone who'd make me smile..
Like he used to

No. I'm not going to get my hopes up

But I guess I have

And I am once again a prisoner
To hope
And though I don't want to be
I'm a dreamer
I would wish everything to be alright
And I can pretend
But when reality hits me
I can't handle it

My life's messed up
Too messed up
I rant here cox there's no where else to rant now

Sometimes I break down and cry
And wish to sleep days away

I dunno why I'm not killing myself
I seriously don't
I know it would be so much better if I do.
At least then, people would be so much happier
That much is obvious
Since I am reminded again and again I am unneeded
I know
I know
But I can't help existing, okey?
Blame it on me that my life sucks and I am...
Well, whatever people hate me for

I know I should look on the bright side
There's always a bright side
Or so they say
Buh in this case, maybe there ain't
There really ain't


I'm not perfect
Have too many defects
I don't even try to correct my flaws though
Take me as I am

Love me or Hate me

I dunno why it's always "hate me" that people chose

Still, their choice
Can't help their judgmental ways
Wonder why no one really knows me

Well, they don't even try to know me...

The scars still hurt
Well, I want them to hurt
Physical pain is so much easier to control
Than this burning feeling inside of me
That's consuming mean

Again I ask, why ain't I killing myself?

No, I'm Not Fine...

Crying, I fall to the ground
So lost, I pray to be found
Wandering, with no where to go
Wishing, I didn't have a morrow

Hoping, everything will be alright
Thinking, when I fall asleep tonight
I'll wake up to find
Fate for once was kind

Or maybe I'm just out of my mind

Looking, for a ray of light
Trying, not to give up the fight
Searching, for what I know is right
God almighty please give me might

Cox maybe, this is just a dream
Maybe, it ain't as harsh at it seems
And if I wake up tomorrow
Would I still be crying in sorrow?

Yeah, I can kid myself I'm dreaming. I can pretend all's okey. I'm fine. I'm alright. *nods head*

And if it weren't for my heart
This pain I could thwart
If it weren't for my soul
These tears I can control

And if it weren't for my body
I wouldn't feel this insecurity
If it weren't for my mind
I wouldn't be so confined

No, it's not alright. I'm not fine...yeah...

The Coldness Within

i feel like i'm suffocatin
with the coldness pressin inside
nd with no one there to hear me
as i scream to be saved from
this prison that's inside me
my soul is bruised and cannot be
all that it was before
when i feel like cryin
i dnt let the tears flow
i am stupid and i am insane
i am weak nd i am small
i jus wish sumone out there wud find me
save me frm this cruel world
help me, help me escape
tho i wanna run away
i cannot leave my family behind
i cannot kill maself
the world is so unfair
tryin to be sumone buh
i am no one nd nuthin
nuthin buh a hopeless mess
utterin helpless prayers
feels like ma heart is bein stabbed
over n over by sumthin
tht doesnt want me to smile
or maybe tht sumthin is the coldness
thts inside of me
and cannot escape
lost my faith and lost my dreams
so broken tht m begginin to believe
happiness wasnt meant for me
this is how m supposed to be
all alone n so weak
with no one to care for me
no one who'd wanna spent his life with me
maybe m repeatin the same thing
over n over
sumone cum help me...
i need to let the tears out
i need sumone...
to hold onto
nd even when i open up
tell sumone how i feel
m pushed aside
maybe i shud kno by now
that this was how it was meant to be

(stupid poem? i kno.. i was out of my mind wen i wrote this, i was out of my mind wen i posted this..
m still out of my mind i guess...
buh who cares?!! )

..But I Am Raw

Make me smile again
Come and drive away the pain
Take me away from the world
Help me escape from the cold
So hurt I feel I must die
Right here tonight as I lie
Weak and sobbing on my bed
Thoughts of you floating in my head
Hold me in your arms one last time
Tell me again you are mine
Don't let me fade away
But I don't think I can face a new day
Not now that you are not here
I wish some one would care
What would happen to me now
Inside I feel so hurt and raw

To all those who left... with the excuse of taking breaks... feels like none of you will come back, buh I hope you do. I guess you guys do know I'll always be waiting here, no matter what, always and forever, eh?

Just don't make me live this life alone...